Normal Couples Argue

Normal Couples Argue

Leila and I have been trying to start a Couples Group where 4-6 couples meet each week for 8 – 12 weeks with the purpose of couples developing couple friends.

 Our experience has been that we meet with other couples, yet we never seem to talk about what’s really happening within our relationships. It’s almost like its “Taboo” to ask anything about someone else’s relationship. We believe that’s why so many couples feel so alone in their relationship.

Leila will meet with a woman friend and come home with hours’ worth of news.  When I meet with the husband, one on one, Leila always asks me on my return what I learned about the relationship, and I usually say, “We really didn’t talk about it.”  Leila will ask me if he said anything about his dying mother, I say, “no.”  “Did he mention the huge argument they had on their vacation?”  “Not a word.”

Later, when we meet this couple for dinner we talk about work, children, vacations and carefully inquire about the dying mother.

Why are couples so afraid to talk about the struggles in their relationship?  Why are couples living with the questions, “Are we crazy?  Is this normal? Is our relationship over because we argue and never agree?”

 One of the most difficult things couple face is isolation. Even couples that are actively involved in outside community’s and have close friendships, rarely have the opportunity to have a heart to heart as a couple with other couples and share the struggles they face.

 It is such a powerful experience when another couple mirrors for us the struggles we deal with in our relationship. It is then that we can say, “We are a normal couple. We are not crazy or broken, just facing a difficulty that is asking to be healed.”  

Leila and I see the relief and acceptance couples experience when we tell them we have gone through the same issues. “In fact, it was only 2 days ago that we had to deal with ______.”  What may be different for us is that, Leila and I have learned that it’s safe to argue. It is a safe way to get to a positive outcome.

 

www.compassionaterelationships.org

 

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